You’re there. Here. Constantly.
Never gone. Always coming back.
And I’m torn. With wanting you gone so I can move forward and write a new chapter.
It’s only fair. It’s only right, wanting to proceed to the unknown.
This supposed life without you was working. So far. Every single day of willing to live without you. Exhausting.
To accept the permanent void that you took for yourself and live with this hole was something I had to accept, no matter how excruciating.
I must admit I celebrated your leaving no matter how difficult. It was for the best, I thought. And it was. I faced those new days determined to look ahead.
It didn’t help speaking to you. Upsetting what little peace I managed to establish for myself. But I had to. Imagine that.
On I rode, amidst the flood of memories, the smell of you in the wind, the whisper of your heart all around and in me. They teased me. I dismissed them, but buried within were tears from a wound I thought was healed.
Refreshed and exuberant, I walked back the next day. And who else was there to surprise me when I rounded that fateful corner? You.
A split second of what seemed like eternity. Our eyes met. The world stopped. Or was it me? And on they jeered and smirked. You returned.
Every single time we crossed paths, you would look in to me. In to my eyes that only you have the key to. And I would let you undress me. I would let you take me, all vulnerable and waiting for your arms. You are my weakness, my chain, my kryptonite.
Everywhere I walk, my senses take you in. Hungry for you, my eyes desire your every move. My ears long for the sound of your laughter of which we used to share. My nose hungry for your scent which I would take in and fine peace. My lips wanting to lock on to yours and breathe in to you all of me. When I gave you all of me.
I would give you all of me once more. All you have to do is say so.
Was it all too much? Was I too much? Or was I not enough?
Then why does “goodbye” never seem to work for us?
Why does it seem like our fates and our paths always seem to cross?
Why can’t I forget you?
Hold my hand. Like you did in that dream. Look at me. Talk to me. Stay with me. Like you always do in my dreams.
I miss you. Veritas.